To Anthony Bourdain et al: An open letter from the newly flamingoed
Dear Anthony Bourdain: I just watched your show “No Reservations” for the very first time tonight, while in ER room awaiting radiology and the discharge nurse. Bravo! I don’t have cable, but I can see why it is much admired. I should note that 6 hours in a waiting room alternating between starved and watching poor frail women urp into plastic troughs in their laps gave your wanderings through Bretagne a distinctly Beckettian quality.
Dear Neighbors: I am sorry I was learning crutches on the stairs at 11:55 PM. It was a popular night at the ER.
Dear Neighbors directly below me: I apologized half aloud last night when my bike pump tipped over late last night. I now see this was dramatic irony.
Dear Night Nurse: Thank you for having the HTC Incredible 2, also, and for giving me your phone charger and a codeine, in that order. You are a gem.
Dear Classmates: Tomorrow I will be operating on 5 hours sleep, a prescription painkiller, and something called the AIRKAST. Be gentle.
Dear Laundry: I wish I’d done you yesterday, when the four flights between you and me didn’t seem so impassable.
Dear Cat: You can eat all my folders tonight. Go wild. I will not be chasing you with a squirt gun per our usual cops-and-robbers routine.
Dear Bicycle: Everyone keeps asking after you. It is like when you realize your family likes your partner more than you thought they did, maybe more than they like you even. I am glad you are fine; we all are.